im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
pop tarts are not kleenex
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
