Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
