Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
