Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
