May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
