she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
