I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
