You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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