i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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