He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
