Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
