I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
