Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
