woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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