Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
