after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
