saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Vodka?
Forever.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
