We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
