bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
