Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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