Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
she told me i tasted like america
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
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