I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
