so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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