Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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