u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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