I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
