i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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