Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
