The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
