the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
