dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
