are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
