I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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