elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
