My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
