I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
