I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
