wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
