Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
