i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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