So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
