i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
