I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize
