12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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