He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
