I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
