he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
We need to get me chipped asap
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
