I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
