We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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