We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
