in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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