I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Randomize
