hotel room ftw
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
i now understand why vodka
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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