susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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