What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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