we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
