I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
