If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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