remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
